Saturday I went to a "family" reunion picnic at a local park. I say family in quotes because these are not blood relatives, but rather a group of childhood friends of my mom's and their spouses and offspring. I won't bore you with the details. It was your garden variety picnic, punctuated by the strained conversation and awkward silent pauses typical in a situation where the participants only see each other every two years or so. I'm not sure why I'm even bringing it up. Okay, that's a lie. I'm bringing it up because I feel compelled to share with you the fact that the highlight of my day was that I got stung by a Yellow Jacket...three times!
The park was absolutely swarming with bees. You know how 'they' always say if you ignore them they will go away? Well...while a lot of the things 'they' say are true, this isn't one of them. I was conversing with one of my "cousins," standing very still and minding my own damn business, when I felt a sharp pain on my left hand. The little sucker attacked me, totally unprovoked! And damn, that thing hurt like hell. I hadn't been stung by a bee in years and years, so I forgot how unpleasant an experience it is. My first reaction was...Isn't someone supposed to pee on me? Oh wait...that's for a jellyfish bite. Thank heaven for that. I was finding the conversation awkward, can you imagine having to ask someone I see maybe once every two years to do that duty? Instead, someone came to my rescue with a baggie full of ice, which helped take the sting away. I felt a bit weird though, so I sat down on a picnic bench to regain my composure, and about a half hour later...I got bit AGAIN!
My reaction to the second attack probably looked like something out of a cartoon. I felt this sting on my left foot, and when I looked down I saw that the little son-of-a-bee had wedged itself INTO my left sneaker! It's little yellow and black rear-end was sticking up between the side of my black Ked, and my already-in-pain left ankle. I went to smack it with my hand, and then realized that might make the thing bite me again, so instead I just started ripping at the laces of my Keds and cursing in such frantic fashion that the entire picnic stopped to watch me. My nephews told me later that I had used some rather colorful language as I was performing this comedy act. I would have felt bad about that, but I think the circumstances justified it. I mean really...I had a bee IN MY SHOE!!
Once I managed to get my sneaker off I discovered that the creature had bit me not once, but twice! I spent the rest of the day applying ice and some miracle insect-bite gel my sister-in-law thankfully decided to bring with her, and avoiding the "family" of the now deceased insect that ruined my day. So much for convening with nature. Today I'm happily back in my basement office, devoid of natural light and other living things.
And just so I haven't completely wasted your time with this story, I'll dispense some practical information:
What to do if you get stung by a bee.
